How To Be Alone
by nadikist
Summary: She only held on because she knew once he left, she’d be completely and utterly alone. What she didn’t know was he needed her just as bad. Oneshot. SessKag.


How To Be Alone

Discalimer- I do not own any of the characters in this story.

--

"You're brother's a bitch, you know that?"

There she was, Kagome Higurashi, sucking back Jack Daniels in a low class bar that smelled of 50 cent hookers and spilt beer. The best part of it was, was that she didn't give a shit.

Kagome Higurashi. She was a woman. She was successful. She had pride and zest for life. She was spirited and loyal. She had made it as an executive advisor for and advertising company. She kept level-headed and professional in the eyes of colleagues, but she was a giving and kind lover. So why in the hell wasn't she getting laid. She sucked back another.

Through her bashful train of "modesty" , she remembered she had company. "Sit, you get used to the germs on your ass after a while." She would normally be appalled at her own use of words, but once again who was there to impress. 'Oh yeah, my boss.' she thought bitterly. She looked at him, disdain written in her eyes. Although she knew fully who it was for, she couldn't help but hate him right now.

She saw him take an uncomfortable seat. He still remained regal and proud, she would have acted the same way if didn't feel like life had just fucked her over.

"I came to give you this," he said calmly and he put a small box on the peanut-shelled counter. She stared at it long and hard. Her slender fingers hesitantly went to grab it.

Velvety smooth. She just wanted to see it, just to see what it looked like. Maybe reminisce over it? Maybe slip it on…

"Anyone here getting married or wants to get married?" her loud , slurred voice rang through the bar. "Free ring, right here! I can assure you, good quality! No cost! What do you say ?" She saw a excited couple come up to her. "You want a ring?"

"You sure it don't cost nothing? Me and my girl Ayame only have a few bucks, and we need to save up." The man asked, holding the girl beside him as if the were glued to each other's waste. She giggled and he grinned.

'How foolish,' Kagome bitterly thought. "Yeah no charge, just giving it away. Take it, may it bring you…together?" She stuck out her hand, placing the box in his hand.

"Thanks a lot. Say if you're near Wedding Bells, chapel in Vegas next Sunday, feel free to come to see us get hitched." He walked away as she screamed when she saw the ring. Kagome really wanted to look over and see it, but she kept herself grounded.

It was bad enough her boss had to watch her be a drunk, swearing pile of shit, he didn't need to see her feel lonely. That was something she hated.

"I never took you for the Vegas type Higurashi," he said sipping his bottled water. She looked at him, so put together like a jigsaw puzzle. Nothing he did ever made him seem anything less than what he was.

"I didn't think you pegged me for any type, sir." Kagome stared at her drink, watching a reflection of her face in it. She could feel his eyes watching her.

"Funny," he said, " Just two months ago you took akin to calling me Sesshoumaru, and now back to sir."

"Well two months ago I was going to be your sister-in-law sir," she gulped down the dryness in her throat. "How is he?"

"My brother?" She nodded. "Fine I suppose. I just saw him a week ago when he asked me to give you that ring."

"Is he happy?" She asked without thinking. Did she really want to know? What if he wasn't feeling pitiful and wanted her back? What then?

"He is." He said it with conviction, with no heart or sympathy. He just said it bluntly. What did she expect? Him to lie to her? He wouldn't and his smooth tone told her he wasn't.

"That's… good I suppose. I mean, why wouldn't he be? He's expecting a baby! I mean, wow! That's exciting! How excited are you? I'm stoked, thrilled actually. How's you're mom?" She rambled, speaking fast paced. She didn't know what to say.

"Higurashi," his voice interrupted her thoughts and out loud rambles.

"Sorry, sir. I shouldn't ha- I'm sorry. The first time you see me since my absence at work, and here I am. Here I am…" she trailed off. This was her life at 27. Alone, bitter, resentful, vengeful, distraught, hostile, cynical, lonely…

"I didn't think you were this kind of woman, Higurashi. The woman who apologizes without proper reason, I do not keep people who do that on my projects." Great, she could even be fired tonight if she didn't watch what she was saying. To add to that, alcohol didn't really help it.

"I don't really know what kind of woman I am…at 27 I still don't know." She felt the bitter train pass right by her again. She held her glass tighter. "Can I ask you a question, sir?" She saw his nod of approval, "Do you think he would have loved me more if I was pregnant?" His eyes softened for a second. This small, little drunk woman, who happened to be more intelligent than his personal assistants, could not help but spout nonsense about the past.

"Honestly, no. He loves her, and nothing you could have done would change that." That's what she liked about Sesshoumaru, his devotion to honesty. 'Actually,' she thought, 'there are a lot of things I like about Sesshoumaru.' He was professional. He worked with grace and knowledge. He didn't run off his mouth and he was impossibly patient. He had arrogance and smug frown, but if anything that made him more handsome…if that was possible. Sesshoumaru had gentle features but a strong jaw line that stood out. It made him masculine.

Sesshoumaru noticed Kagome staring at his jaw. "It is impolite to stare Higurashi," his voice startling her.

"Sorry sir, I was…I was just…I was just caught up in your honesty. That's all." She tried to hide the blush that had taken a liking to her cheeks. She knew he noticed it and it made her turn even more red. She dared to look at him again. Behind Sesshoumaru, was just a tired man. He still looked handsome, regal and defined. Anyone who looked at him would say, "he's in the prime of his time, fit in his game." Kagome knew otherwise. If she hadn't been working for him for so long, she would go along with all the others. She knew better. She knew how tired he was, how late he stayed up, how hard he worked. He had a top team of executives and advisors yet still he managed with the bulk of the work. He began to speak with his baritone voice once again.

"Would you like me to lie to you then?" He asked her, already picking out her answer in his tone. She was steamed that he would suggest lying to her. She could accept it from his brother, but not from him. Never from him.

"Never lie to me sir, never."

"Good, I except you to be at work on Monday, dressed sharply and put together. I will no longer tolerate absence from work over this petty ordeal. You maybe 27 and not know where you're going end up, but you should at least know that I do not associate myself with those who are weak." He said it monotonously. He looked right into her. His golden eyes that she loved so much. 'So unique…" she thought. She stared feeling her body go numb. She was with her boss, staring into his eyes as if they were a abyss and he didn't take his eyes off her. He looked so much like his brother, and she really whish he didn't at times, but not tonight. She didn't see Inuyasha. Finally she broke and gave a pitiful laugh.

"How do you do it?" She asked looking to her other side then back at him, "how do you go to work everyday the same, and leave the same? How does nothing effect you? How does nobody effect you, for that matter? How do you sleep?" Kagome officially no longer had a brain. She went on, "I've worked with you from 6 years of my life, and I know nothing about you! How do you not have friends? Lovers? Anything?" Kagome had never spoken to him in this manner. Her being slightly drunk was no excuse either. Somehow he couldn't bring himself to be mad with her, or upset with her. He just thought about it.

"Higurashi, are you asking me how I can be alone?" Stoic, impassable, and somewhat indifferent. She looked at him. Longingly, waiting for anything to come of this. He knew that Kagome wanted to leave this limbo she was stuck in. He knew what it felt like, he was there himself. He had grown accustom to hearing the scratch of his pen at 2:00 am and the silence in the office when he left at 3:30 am. He didn't speak, so she did.

"Teach me," she said. He raised an eyebrow to her. "Teach me the things you know. The way you live. Teach me not to care and not to want. Teach me how to be alone." He had no idea why he was humouring her by talk to her, but he did it. Friendship, he supposed. He trusted her. He could confide in her. He knew her, he was familiar with. She might love his brother, but she was forever loyal to him.

"I never get caught in those thoughts in the first place. I work Higurashi, something you aren't doing much of these days. I do not have time to worry about such minimal details. " She gave him a small smile. She was right, Sesshoumaru had nobody. He really had no one, not even his family. He worked for his fathers respect, when his brother had been loved at birth. Sesshoumaru had to earn the right to be a Dasuke, when Inuyasha was given it. Sesshoumaru had been working his whole life to have something and still he was probably more alone than her. He'd been doing this for so long he probably didn't even bother to think of friends, or family. Solitude. This was Sesshoumaru's life. Everyday, the only thing he had besides the occasional fuck was papers that needed to be signed by 9:00 am and statements released by 7:00 pm. His life was pathetically dismal. She laughed all of a sudden.

"Oh…oh wow, that's…that's really…sad. I'm sorry sir, that's just sad." She was caught off guard when the sound of his deep laugh joined hers. She got lost in it, their voices sounded so natural together. Kagome enjoyed it, cherished it not knowing when she'd ever get to hear it again. She smiled her sad smile at him. "I guess I know how alone you feel." She sighed, tears forming in her eyes. Bringing another gulp to burn her throat she looked at him again and just tried to show him that she was fine. "I'm fine."

She was truly something. For a long time now he'd admired her. She was a strong leader, she was efficient, progressive, intelligent. She was on her toes, and made sure everything was kept in line. He admired her courage to walk into a room full of men and be the only woman advisor. She had opinions and that wasn't going to change. Even as his brothers fiancé, he admired her. His brother had wooed her, made love to her, then left her and even then she went to work. If he ever needed anything, Kagome was the woman he'd go to. But he never needed anything. Well not till today.

"If you expect me not to lie to you Higurashi, I would require you be the same." She looked at him.

"Please, please sir, don't tell him. I would just die if he knew that I was such an idiot. That I haven't moved on. Ha, that I'm alone." She felt her eyes wandering all over him. She loved to look at him. She just wanted him. All of a sudden felt that her seat wasn't comfortable and that she was to far from him. She just wanted to be closer.

"Hig-" he was interrupted with her hand over his mouth.

"It's Kagome." He gave in. He needed. She was surprised at their contact even though she initiated. His lips were on her hand and it sent shiver through her. He removed her hand from his moth yet kept is grip on it. He stared at her with lust and didn't bother trying to hide it.

There they were, two people in a bar drowning in their loneliness. So helpless to it that they would succumb. They would follow passion, as if it was a siren, to their downfall. But who cared, this imminent hurt was worth sexual awkwardness in the morning.

"Kagome." Kagome had actually dreamed of this day. The day he would say her name. She imagined how it would roll of his tongue and her heart would beat faster. How it would wrap around her head like silk. Even when she was engaged to Inuyasha, he'd never said her name.

It felt ten times better than what she thought.

She squirmed. She felt her cheeks get hot and her lips part in shock. The wrist he was holding went tingly.

She wanted Sesshoumaru.

She wanted Sesshoumaru.

Then he let go of her hand. She sighed at the loss of contact, but felt a heated gaze directed at her. She brought her hand down back to her. She felt him lean towards her. She felt his warm even breaths right next to her numbed skin. She could feel her body tense over and her throat dry up. She could no longer breathe. She would die by suffocation.

"It's Sesshoumaru as I'm sure you know." She looked at him from her side. Her chest was knotted. Should she do it? Or should remember that he was her boss? She battled, and battled long. She wanted to be taken advantage of, but not by anyone , just him. She placed her hands on her chest.

"Do you want to be lonely tonight…Kagome?" He said her name again. If this is what she felt when he said her name, then what would it feel like to have sex with him?

"N…n…no." She stammered.

The next thing Kagome knew was that they had made it back to her place. She was still amazed that she could open the door while kissing him. She always wondered what kissing Sesshoumaru Dasuke would be like, and finally she knew. Her lips pressed in need to his. He did not disappoint. They waltzed in still attached to one another. He backed into the door closing it shut, the noise made her jump. Then she stood away from him. Looking at him. Staring at his dishevelled hair, his hungry eyes, parted thin lips. She wanted more than just tonight, she wanted more than his body.

She wanted to love him, if he would let her. She knew that she was enamoured with him at times yet she never loved him. But ever since his brother left her she wanted someone to love.

Someone that she could put her efforts into so that they wouldn't just swell and die within her.

Even in the dark, his eye glowed vibrantly.

"You regret this," he stated simply, and her eyes widened a little. They grew softer and she smiled taking a few steps toward him.

"No, I just want to savour this." She let her hand roam his chest then go lower. She pulled his dress shirt from his pants and began to unbutton it. She pushed it off of him letting it fall to the ground.

He felt an instant shudder when he felt her finger roam his skin. She liked how warm he was. She worked her way up to his shoulders. She loved the shape they had, it spelled arrogance. She was all the more willing to see what kind of lover he was, but she was scared of waking up to the cold on her bar back. She placed her head on his chest and held on to him. She felt his hands snake their way up her shirt rubbing comforting circles on her back. She wiggled out of the polyester, and went back to kissing him.

They walked in unison to her bedroom, loosing all their clothes on the way.

He laid her down beneath her sheets, staring into her. He stood at the end of her bed. He watched her take breathe with excitement and anticipation. He watched chew her plump lips and stare into his eyes with need. There was going to be no foreplay.

He knew after he did this to her, she couldn't be just a fuck. He would never show it or admit it, but he couldn't loose her. The only ting that he could have for himself was Kagome, and he didn't mind that at all.

He spread her legs and crawled back over top of her. He kissed her lightly right before taking the pleasure of ramming himself right into her.

He felt her hands grip on to his back and claw at him. Him smirked as he rocked her. He put his end into her neck and kissed her. She was panting and moaning and he could feel it vibrate through her throat. He grunted as she was getting tighter.

Her body was over taken, by mirth and joy. He was rough, yet gentle with her. He seemed to know her body better than she did. He did things she hadn't let his brother do. It felt so good that after all this solitude. She felt her peak and she screamed. She had never screamed before. And she didn't think of Inuyasha once, she didn't see him once, she didn't feel him once. She just screamed Sesshoumaru's name.

He climaxed. She had said his name with the utmost passion and devotion it threw him over the edge. He put all of his weight forward. just being careful not to squish her. He was on his elbows over top of her, right above her smiling face with tears. He knew why she was crying, and if he wasn't Sesshoumaru Dasuke he'd probably be crying too. He pulled out of her just hearing the slightest whimper. He sat at the edge of the bed looking at her. Watching her wither beneath the sheets, feeling the last effects of the orgasm. He watched her face and sighed. This was the end. They both got their need, but knew they couldn't search into their wants. He did not want bear having her, then loosing her. So he might as well leave now. He made for his clothes, putting on his boxers and she sat up looking at the red marks on his back. He shown no sign of pain from them. He was walking away,

"Sesshoumaru," she called out impulsively. He turned his head to look back at her but kept his body forward. "Would you like to stay?" She asked like a scared woman. She knew once he left she'd be even be more alone, find her self in more bars, aching more nights. He turned simply. He walked to the side oh her bed. He let his hands touch the sides of the sheets. He wordlessly slipped into them and stared at the ceiling.

She looked at him from the side. His silence spoke volumes, she knew he felt the same. He occasionally glanced at her, but remained awake and fixated on the ceiling. After while her eyes did the same.

To anyone who might have seen them, they looked like the most awkward individuals. Fears plaguing them of tomorrow, not knowing what to say. Near regret of going as far to sexually please themselves. Ashamed maybe? They looked lost and confused. Just staring off, not even rejoicing in the fact of sex. But that was if just anyone was looking at them.

Beneath it there was much more. From a bar to a bed was much more than a one-night stand. They knew if they'd lost each other now, they'd utterly have no one. Beneath the sinful sex-ridden sheets, they were holding each others hand.

FIN.

Nadi's Notes- I hope you enjoyed "How To Be Alone" I had a really intresting time writing it. Please do review it means a bunch. Critics are accepted, so please feel free to voice your opinion. Thank you.


End file.
